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Kids on life

Kids on life

 

NUDITY  I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening  when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She  was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my  5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a  seat belt!"  
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HONESTY  My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd  dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it  in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said  with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then,  'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.  
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OPINIONS  On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note  from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child  are not necessarily those of his parents."  
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KETCHUP  A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.  During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old  daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child  said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to  talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."  
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MORE NUDITY  A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's  locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with  ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched  in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen  a little boy before?"  
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POLICE # 1  While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" " Yes," I answered and  continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I  should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told  her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"  
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POLICE # 2  It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was  barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you  got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy  looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,  "What'd he do?"
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ELDERLY  While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly  shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon  rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found  her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced  myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and  whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"  
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DRESS-UP  A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear  that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."  
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DEATH  While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister  heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt  Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead  robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had  secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version  of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the  Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn..... and into the hole he gooooes."  
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SCHOOL  A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just  wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

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